Nourish Your Marriage for a Flourishing Homeschool
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by Anna Reynolds
September 1, 2023
Homeschooling requires an alternative lifestyle and a commitment from all family members for success. Figuring out how homeschooling can work for an individual family is not always simple. Usually, one parent becomes the full-time homeschool teacher while the other parent works outside the home, but this is increasingly not the only option.
Whether parents choose to involve grandparents for day-to-day help with homeschooling or mom and dad can juggle the homeschool needs of older kids while working from home, there are many different ways to meet the educational needs of the children and the other demands of family life.
Whatever the case may be, the health and strength of the marriage bond should always be an important part of the homeschool discussion. A wise priest observed, “There is no sacrament of parenthood, but there is a sacrament of marriage.” The strength and health of your marriage in many ways determine the health of the family, your domestic church.
What if There is Only One Parent?
First, we’d like to offer a word of encouragement for parents who may not have a spouse with whom to share the daily tasks of parenting. For parents who are widowed, divorced, or separated, homeschooling is still possible with attention to the needs of the parent and child or children involved.
Some mothers and fathers have successfully shifted the school day to the afternoon to accommodate their work hours. Others enlist the help of extended family and friends. However it works best for you, there needs to be special care given to supporting the mother or father educating the children. Without the emotional support and sacramental grace of marriage, the task of home educating is an even more daunting one. If you discern that homeschooling is best for your children, finding outside help—from a parish priest, friends, neighbors, and extended family—can be a tremendous asset.
For married parents considering homeschooling with both spouses involved, here are a few of the most common challenges to marital happiness that can arise from homeschooling and possible solutions.
One Spouse Does Not Want to Homeschool
Often one spouse is more enthusiastic about homeschooling than the other. Sometimes, one parent is opposed to even considering homeschooling. If one spouse is reluctant to homeschool, it’s important to find out why. Many people do not know many homeschoolers and have a perception that homeschooling is “weird.” Other people are concerned that missing out on the social dynamics and discipline of a traditional school environment will hinder children’s ability to thrive later in life.
Usually, there is some valid concern motivated by love for the child that prompts a parent to be hesitant. For a mother or father who strongly desires to homeschool, not turning the discussion into a power struggle is essential. Being able to calmly discuss the pros and cons and address specific concerns can set the stage for working as a team in homeschooling and other areas of life.
A powerful way to overcome reluctance to homeschooling is to meet other homeschooling families. Seeing how real Catholic couples are making it work while meeting academic milestones and enjoying family life can offer new perspective for the reluctant spouse and manage expectations for the spouse who is ready to dive in.
Becoming Overwhelmed with Responsibilities
Another concern that many spouses have is that the primary homeschooling parent will not be able to handle the demands of being with the children so much and managing the education, often of multiple children at different developmental stages. This concern is valid. The mother who is managing the day-to-day homeschool activities for the family must recognize that taking care of herself is necessary for her children’s success. A mother who is chronically tired and overwhelmed will struggle to offer her children a home environment that nurtures learning.
Likewise, if the father is the primary homeschool parent, finding time and relationships outside the home is often essential to flourishing.
Once homeschooling is underway, the primary homeschool parent can become immersed in the world of home education, discipline, and managing the home. Becoming overwhelmed by responsibility can undermine the original intention of homeschooling, the peace of the family home, and, above all, the health of the marriage.
The parent working outside the home as a sole breadwinner may also feel overwhelmed by the burden of providing for the family. Finding a way for both spouses to share their burdens can relieve a lot of anxiety and conflict. Is there a subject the full-time working dad would love to teach that could be a way to share the responsibilities of homeschooling and enjoy time with the kids? Can the homeschooling mother pick up hours with a part-time position that would ease the family’s financial situation? Addressing the feeling of being overwhelmed before it happens can help you to avoid a lot of personal and marital stress.
Not Finding Time for Healthy Communication
With the demands of homeschooling it can be easy to neglect time with your spouse. In every stage of life, a lack of quality time spent together can be a serious blow to the happiness and harmony of the married couple. During the years of having young children, especially when homeschooling, there is often a temptation to put the marriage on the backburner. This is a mistake.
To guard against neglecting your marriage, you might schedule a regular date night. Many couples find this helpful because it is already planned for. If everyone is too tired at night, you might opt for an early morning coffee date on the front porch or a simple glass of wine in the backyard after the kids are in bed. Whether you leave the house or not, a helpful rule is no discussing the children!
Beyond dates, simply taking the time to give your spouse a kiss when he walks in the door or leaving a small surprise for your wife to discover can rekindle romantic love at a time when you feel like you don’t have time for it.
Spending time with your spouse and finding ways to enjoy each other’s company can seem like one more item to add to the to-do list. Your marriage is not just another chore but the beating heart of your family life and domestic church. For families who choose to homeschool, thriving parents and children requires that the mother and father continue to nurture their marriage.
What are your favorite ways to nurture your marriage?
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