You know that famous TO DO list that you just keep adding things to that is now longer than your arm?  Well, how about creating for yourself a nice DON'T DO list?  While we often talk about the many things that are important TO DO in marriage education to promote happy and healthy relationships, sometimes it's necessary to address the dreaded don'ts!   When it comes to good relationships, whether dating, engaged or married for 30 years, everyone should keep these things in mind because of their potential to blow up marriages and relationships. 
           #1 Cut out the carping. Criticism tears a person down and it leads to resentment, not improvement in a relationship.  Talking about those things that bother us or things that can be improved in our relationship are important to air-out, but how we do it makes all the difference. Being open, kind, and assertive about our needs and wants is the key.
           #2 Rid yourself of ridicule. Sarcasm has many faces and couples often use it to belittle and ridicule each other. Who wins when the contest is who can be the meanest? The last time I checked that was not one of the things we say "I do" to on our wedding day.  In fact, what we do promise is to "honor" our beloved, that of couse means to highly respect them.
          #3 Drop the defensiveness. (Known by relationship watchers as "walking on egg-shells" syndrome) This is a common response to carping. When one feels constantly being criticized and torn down, it's no surprise reactions seem over the top.  Breaking this habit takes discipline.
          #4 Stop stonewalling.  Avoidance or feeling dominated by a spouse or future spouse creates an unhealthy relationship dynaimic that makes problem solving around even simple issues nearly impossible. Stonewalling, according to serious psychologists, is created by our primal "flight or fight" response,  so once engrained in a relationship, it often requires professional help to overcome.  
          For more about these four relationship busting habits and how to overcome them, read The Good Fight, by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, and/or Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by Dr. John Gottman.