Have you ever had anyone you know ask if you smell something bad or unusual when you enter their house or apartment?  Your first response may be… “Is this a trick question?” Usually it isn’t.  Most people know about the phenomenon of going “nose blind” to common smells we are around all the time and have become accustomed to.  Asking someone on the outside who doesn’t live in your air, to give you a quick assessment is a good way to find out if all is fair or if something is rotten in Denmark.

Marriage is one of those things that those living it, often become “nose blind” to things in the relationship they have become accustomed to, like certain bad habits or attitudes, they may not quickly recognize, but that are in fact harmful to their marriage bond and home life.   It is not unusual to hear couples in the midst of a divorce comment… “I thought everything was ok.”   In fact, “Low conflict marriages account for up to 60% of divorces”, says Dr. Paul Amato of Penn State University.

So what can we do about this?  Today, marriage education professionals offer a number of excellent surveys or questionnaires that help couples identify those things that may be affecting their marriage, just under the surface.  Stella Maris Center offers two such surveys, SYMBIS  and Prepare-Enrich.

SYMBIS is a relatively new relationship survey that is gaining popularity in marriage preparation circles, but also has a version for married couples called SYMBIS +.   This survey was created by Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts authors (and marriage educators), Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot. 

The other is Prepare-Enrich.  Prepare-Enrich was created by Dr. David Olson and his colleagues at the University of Minnesota in the mid 1980’s as a marriage preparation tool (Prepare) which quickly evolved to also become a resource for already married couples.

Both surveys are administered discreetly online and review meetings with a trained facilitator are done using video conferences.

During these final weeks of Lent, when we are called by the Church to do some deep spiritual house cleaning before the Holy Triduum and Easter,  married couples can do some work of their own,  to identify and address those things that threaten their marriage and their family life.