It's Good to Hear
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March 7, 2023In the whirlwind of a very busy Lenten season, I forced myself to get away for a short retreat that has long been coming. I really needed it.
I managed to stay off my phone (mostly) and deliberately left all work related things behind. Going to mass, adoration and simply having more time to pray, I was truly drawn up into the bosom of our Lord and I allowed Him to minister to me. The fruit of the silence and the prayer time were clear, Lord you love me! It is good to hear you love me. In the pages of the New Testament, we witness Jesus regularly retreating to pray to His Father.
Neglecting our time communing with God, the Saints and the Angels in prayer has serious consequences. When we neglect prayer, we stop hearing God’s voice and the voice of the enemy takes over. The voice of the enemy makes us feel worthless, defeated, and in little and big ways we become convinced that we are unlovable. Prayer is communion and communication with God, no Christian or God loving man or woman or child can neglect it.
In our earthly relationships especially our closest ones, our marriages, taking time to talk with our spouses and children and communing with them is also necessary. Our relationships become task oriented, unloving, and cold when we don’t take the time to enter into our beloveds’ world in a way that they feel and hear those words too. You are precious to me and I love you. If we don’t take the time to say it, and enter into this sacred space with our loved ones, the enemy enters there too, to wreak havoc and to place every sort of terrible idea in our heads. Like the serpent in the Garden of Eden, the destructive whispers of the enemy lead us to question God’s love and lead us to question the love of our beloved spouse. It also leads to marital neglect. Time away, retreats, help us to recalibrate our compass to point us back to God, and to each other.
There are two things I hear most often when I invite couples to retreat. They will say “our marriage is just fine, we don’t have any problems.” That response comes from the error that anything you want to do for your marriage is because you have a troubled one. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Marriage events and retreats are nourishment for marriage, not CPR. Do people only eat when they’re at the point of dying of starvation? People eat, and nourish their bodies on a regular basis to prevent starvation and illness. Nurturing marriage is the same way. With that said, if a marriage is in critical condition there is emergency care available to start the IV’s flowing and getting on the road to healing. That requires more personalized care that often costs a lot more than a retreat.
The second most common thing I hear from couples I invite is the age old reason, “we don’t have the time.” Well, let’s see we all have 24 hours in a day. Somewhere in there we eat, we sleep, we go to work, we may exercise, we shuttle the kids to and from activities, and sometimes we even volunteer at church or some organization. All are important, but let’s be real, we also spend hours upon hours “connected” on social media or playing games on our phones or game systems. This technological “connectedness” is a true oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one. Our “smart” devices have made it easier to do some things, like navigating to unknown addresses to keeping appointments, but they have also disconnected us from the real world and the people closest to us. Social media only gives the illusion of connectedness.
Human beings are made for communion, community, and connection. Family is the first and most important community God gives to us and it is grounded on the marriage of a husband and wife. If we don’t make the effort to connect with our beloved, we become disconnected from them too and suddenly we are strangers under the same roof, strangers who don't feel loved. We all have the same hours in a day and the same days in a year. We give our time to people and things that matter. Shouldn’t nurturing your marriage be on the top of the list, right after time for God?
You may have heard the old saying, “you can’t give what you don’t have.” I will dust it off and represent it here for your consideration. Retreats are a time to slow down, quiet life and allow God, who is love itself, to minister to you. Retreating with your spouse provides the opportunity for both of you to allow God to fill your cup and hear those words you long to hear… you are my beloved and I love you.
(Image is from Holy Name Passionist Retreat Center in Houston, TX)
